Mexico Medical Student |

I don’t know if it’s something in the water or what, but I can’t seem to get up and do anything. I should be in class right now, but I’m home instead studying for neuropharmacology exam tomorrow. Well, that’s optimistic, because I can’t actually study, I just stare at the book/screen, thinking of other things. Wife and daughter left back to Texas for a couple of weeks, and while it’s an adjustment in general, my feeling like I’m constantly surrounded by molasses predated their leaving. I’m actually enjoying the quiet, but without an interruption or a noise to remind me I’m NOT doing what I’m supposed to be doing, I’ll be woolgathering for far too long.

I’m just so sick of school. The constant, endless lectures (which could at least be tolerable if 80% wasn’t being read to from powerpoint slides) that we have to attend, the periods of nothing due and suddenly 3 things due at once, the lack of anything educationally clinical at the moment, the constant trials and tribulation of living in Mexico in general — it all wears on you. I know this is a common sentiment among 2nd year students, gearing up for Step I of the USMLE, classes getting harder, etc. but I really thought I’d enjoy it more now that most of the material is at least directly clinically relevant. Should be, except it’s presented in the most boring way possible, like taking a rich soup and pouring a glass of water in it.

Before if you ask if I’m depressed, I’ll say unequivocally “no.” Dysthymic? Perhaps. MDE, not at all. This shit would wear on anyone, trust me. I envy the people who everything rolls off their backs and they’re always ready to make lemonade when life hands them lemons. I wonder if it’s a special type of flat affect that is centered on the positive end of the spectrum, like emotional botox that doesn’t allow their feelings to veer hardly at all from their cheery “center” no matter what happens. I dunno…in spite of my occaisional (and unfortunately recently, often) melancholy, I prefer my emotional volatility. It’s one of the few things that remind me I’m alive when all else is trying to beat it out of me.

P.S. More on Tequila soon!