Thanks to all who showed up last night for the live broadcast! Dr.A. would have to confirm this for sure, but I think that the chatroom peaked to its highest number so far for the show…that’s awesome! For those that didn’t get to tune in, the archive is #18 and is available at Dr.A.’s BTR site (until the next show, this episode starts playing automatically from a widget on the right, but you can always download the .mp3 file to listen offline as well).
I listened to most of the show already, and I’m slightly embarrassed of the times that it seems that I’m ignoring Dr.A’s quick questions. As was brought up in the chat room after the show, Dr.A was using a new headset, and apparently the mic volume wasn’t turned up enough. (This can be heard in the difference between our respective volumes on the archive.) However, when I was talking in real-time on the call, I swear I couldn’t hear most of the attempts when Dr. A. would make a quick 1-second question. On the archive, one can hear it objectively (ie, not talking at the time), and it sounds like I’m bulldozing over what he was saying. I promise that wasn’t the case. :/ I hope Dr. A. understands.
The universal advice I’ve received before, during, and after regarding my situation is, to be polite, “Do whatever it takes to get things fixed.” I agree, and I never intended to do otherwise. It’s also why I never complained online until the other day even though I’ve been going through this for 6 weeks now. I don’t want to get into specifics, but there is a very real chance that this will not be resolved to my benefit, and I have to start down the road of a “Plan B,” even though I can’t say for sure what that is yet.
Even though absolutely nothing has changed with school, I already feel SO much better having put all of this out there. The consequences/implications/etc. have been shouldered in private for too long and have gotten me absolutely nowhere. Things can’t get worse with school–they simply could say that all of this online shenanigans “prevented” them from giving me their Holy Dispensation, but that’s yet another abusive tactic because one can never know if that were true. The intended effect is drive a student into despair over “what could have been;” in my case, I simply go on the alternative course I’m already pursuing. The default answers have never changed from “no,” and “no.”
I’m not above groveling, but how can I grovel to a person that refuses to meet with me, that tells a “superior” at the hospital that I’ll be seen, then 10 minutes later tell me (through the inept secretary) that there’s no point in seeing me? I’ve never been able to break through this, so what do I do, kneel in supplication from the hallway and hope they see me on the way to a bathroom break? Video myself begging and send a YouTube clip to their email address? If this turns out to be about “Well, we’re offended that you didn’t do XYZ in person,” then their hypocrisy is one for the record books.
I have to work, and time spent sitting in a hallway on the off-chance said dictator may/may not be coming to the office that afternoon, combined with may/may not be willing to see me is time I’m not billing, money I’m not making to support my family in the absence of loans to fall back on. Every dollar in my bank account is because I worked for it this semester. Talk about responsibility–what respect is there for that? They seem to think I’m at their complete convenience (and sport), and as a lowly student, that’s true–to a point. They know I’m working, they know I have a family to support, they just “forget” (or don’t care) that it’s not all about me. If they’re going to be insulted because I make a phone call to check if they’ll be in before I waste hours (read: earned money) going to and from, waiting, etc. and make that a daily habit, they can do something “creatively promiscuous” with their expectations.
UAG may be trying to teach me a lesson, beat me down, whatever, but to what end? I’m playing for keeps, and here’s why:
I don’t have the luxury of wasting time. I am willing to sacrifice whatever of myself, but there’s a limit to what I’m willing to put them through. This isn’t about principle vs. pride. Steeped in old Mexican medical school traditions at the core (primarily dealing with 18-year-olds), UAG feels it’s their job to “teach” me humility, maturity and responsibility with their tactics.
Those two above teach me more about those in one day than any amount of passive-agressive bullshit by administration. The two above is where my faith, my hope, and my pride lie, not my school. If I’m going to sacrifice any part of myself further, it’s for them, not for the whims of UAG. My school is a replaceable commodity; they are not. If this constitutes my “bad attitude,” then so be it. Regardless of my financial debt, I will always remain far richer than UAG could ever be.