Avian Flu has reached California!

I didn’t believe it, but this picture proves it:

Clearly the close contact had by so many tourists means that through untold return flights from this population-dense attraction means that the pandemic has begun. Aiieeeee!!

Genetics Haiku

I have my final (and unfortunately, only exam grade) in Medical Genetics at 3pm today. After days of ineffective studying, I have decided to pen some haiku to help balance my chi in preparation for the exam.

Recessive disease
With consanguinuity
Hillbilly patients

X-linked recessive
Mothers carry mutation
Sons can not escape

Hardy-Weinberg math
Okay if square roots work out
No calculator

Oncogene two-hit
Cell cycle regulation
Mitosis can’t stop

Genetics word games
Too many definitions
Mostly common sense

Prof knows not her stuff
Study on my own I try
Procrastination

Oh well, I thought I’d try anyway…

Smell my finger

For all we may bitch and moan about our respective medical schools, I doubt anyone has actually experienced this hopefully fictional story firsthand.

“It is like a finger, pointing to the moon….[points to the sky, then slaps hapless student who is looking at finger] Don’t look at the finger, or you’ll miss all that heavenly glory.” –Bruce Lee, from “Enter the Dragon”

No glory here. Of course, with our shockingly desensitized anatomy lab prof, doing the above for real wouldn’t be out of the realm of possibilities.

medical cocktail party humor

from www.pushfluids.com:

“In entirely unrelated news, today in plastic surgery clinic, while looking up the ICD-9 code for “mass,” I discovered that the diagnostic code for masturbation is 307.9. You know, just in case you want to bill your insurance company or something.”

’nuff said…..

another old joke

One many have heard before

…. sure to offend

How do you hide $100.00 from a surgeon?
Put it in a book.

How do you hide $100.00 from an internist?
Put it under a bandage.

How do you hide $100.00 from a radiologist?
Put it on the patient.

How do you hide $100.00 from a cardiologist?
.. you can’t!

In my busier days now, my contributions will be smaller…but I will try to keep them going.

Happy Porn Sunday!

Sometimes truth is stranger than fiction. I swear I’m not making this up: today is Porn Sunday, sponsored by xxxchurch.com, “The #1 Christian porn site”

Ok, I’ll give that a few seconds to sink in…

Make sure you see “Pete the Puppet” (under “Porn Patrol”) and the “Prayer Wall”, where you get stories like these:

I have been married for 7yrs and been together for 9yrs. After been married for five months my husband came to me and confessed that he has a addiction to prostitutes,porn,phone sex ect. On our 7th wedding anniversary he went out and bought yet another prostitute so the next day I moved out.

It took her 6.6 years to figure out the guy’s not going to just “grow out of it” and start showing up to church on Sundays? Perhaps Pete the Puppet could have helped had he come sooner…er, would have shown up sooner.

I’d love to be there at one of their rallies…after showing a 5 minute clip of Jenna Jameson with three guys, they immediately follow it up with, “Do you see now? Do you see the kind of filth that our society can watch, as easily as a download to your computer? That clip probably only takes 4.35 minutes on a non-weekend night to download, providing no other applications are using the connection. Pray during those 4.3 minutes and ask for the strength to not press ‘Play’!” Do they honestly expect guys to get to this site and say, “Gee, I guess buyin’ hookers and spending my kids college money on phone sex is not what God wants from me…” Idiots.

And just so you know I’m not a sleaze (usually), I found this via ABC News. Another web site had this priceless quote by one of the founders that pretty much sums everything up:

Foster, 34, says it was June 2001 when he was hit with the skin-and-sin epiphany.

“I was in the shower praying, and I said, ‘God, I want to do something huge for you,’” Foster recalls. “He said one word to me: ‘Porn.’”

Neuro Case Study

Neck deep in learning cranial nerves (har, har), this case study from the wacky folks at QFever couldn’t be timed better.

Phallotherapy for back pain

Sometimes you just can’t make this stuff up … basically a doctor offered a female patient sex to relieve her back pain. The “treatments” were also billed to the state insurance policy at $5,000 a “pop.” Adding icing on the cake, he defends himself with respect to the patient by saying the sex was consensual.

Then again, having read the above, generic back exercises look a lot different. I don’t know what the authoritative texts are for physical/rehabilitative medicine, but I don’t think the Kama Sutra is one of them.

Morning News Filth

The Red Sox lost the AL East series yesterday (much to Jessica’s chagrin ) but they lead the pack for the AL wild card and will probably play the Yankees AGAIN.

Even though I never watched it in the US, I record the CBS Early show because it’s the only “network” news we get. Imagine my surprise when I hear this flithy comment by one of the weekend anchors:

And when children are getting ready to watch their cartoons…

(video is slightly off-sync with voice, couldn’t fix)

Irish Anatomy Humour

In reviewing for my first gross anatomy partial exam tomorrow (covering upper/lower limbs and back), I have been reviewing Clinical Anatomy by Monkhouse, a professor at the Royal College of Surgeons in Ireland.

Some gems (condensed) include:

(regarding injections in the upper arm): “[The deltoid] is often the site of intramuscular injections. If you insert the needle within 4cm of the [outer tip of the shoulder, the acromion,] you are unlikely to damage the axillary nerve as it enters the muscle from behind the surgical neck of the humerus. If you go lower than this, you deserve to be prosecuted for incompetence.”

(regarding the front inner leg, near the groin): “The femoral vessels and nerve are at risk and the potential for serious injury is great….Apart from criminal attacks, those who wield long knives professionally (eg. butchers) may injure themselves here: chain mail protection is available.”

(regarding the differences between male and female hip bones): “It can be difficult to pronounce on the sex of an isolated pelvis, and it is a skill that is uncessary unless you are concerned with archaeology or forensic science. You may be asked to give an opinion based on [an X-ray]; my tip is to look for the soft tissue shadow of a penis since this is usually fairly reasonable guide to the sex of an individual.”

Priceless!